It never ceases to amaze me how much I can grow in a year. Every time I look back on the previous year, I'm amazed at how much I've grown, and yet every year, I end up surprising myself by growing even faster. I fear the time when this will no longer be true. If I've stopped growing, then there's no where else I can really go, now is there?
This year was an especially interesting one, mainly because a decade-old drive and burden has finally come and passed. For the first time in my life, I feel equal to my brother.
Being seven years older than me, he was always someone I admired and envied, but could never reach. There's very little you can compete on at that age difference, at least until recently. I managed to get an interview with Google for a fall co-op. When I told my brother this, he decided to apply as well. He'd gotten one before, but he was inspired to try again upon knowing that I had one. Then, he did something I've never seen before.
He asked me for help.
Here he was, a man who relied on no one, who was better than me at most things for all of my life, and now he comes and asks me for aid in preparing for the interviews. He doesn't have a computer science degree, and so I am somewhat more knowledgeable in that area than him, which is why he asked, but more to the point, this action opened my eyes. I had finally been recognized by him as an equal, as a true brother, rather than some child that must be guided to the future.
I took it to heart, obviously, and I believe it was more significant to me than it was to him, as these things often are. I can say this though: this realization has given me a feeling of peace and wholeness I have never once felt before. I can accept who I am, and don't have to try to be someone else anymore. Instead, I can be me.
So, now the question becomes, where do I go from here? What do you do when you've finally caught up to the person who you've spent your entire life running after? The most I can say is to become myself. To live and to learn, to grow, free of old weeds and dead branches, free to become who I want to be, who I should be. I can see myself with more clarity now than ever before, so I have an idea as to how I wish to continue; that story, however, is not meant for this page, or for any other. Rather, it is meant for me, and those around me.
This year was an especially interesting one, mainly because a decade-old drive and burden has finally come and passed. For the first time in my life, I feel equal to my brother.
Being seven years older than me, he was always someone I admired and envied, but could never reach. There's very little you can compete on at that age difference, at least until recently. I managed to get an interview with Google for a fall co-op. When I told my brother this, he decided to apply as well. He'd gotten one before, but he was inspired to try again upon knowing that I had one. Then, he did something I've never seen before.
He asked me for help.
Here he was, a man who relied on no one, who was better than me at most things for all of my life, and now he comes and asks me for aid in preparing for the interviews. He doesn't have a computer science degree, and so I am somewhat more knowledgeable in that area than him, which is why he asked, but more to the point, this action opened my eyes. I had finally been recognized by him as an equal, as a true brother, rather than some child that must be guided to the future.
I took it to heart, obviously, and I believe it was more significant to me than it was to him, as these things often are. I can say this though: this realization has given me a feeling of peace and wholeness I have never once felt before. I can accept who I am, and don't have to try to be someone else anymore. Instead, I can be me.
So, now the question becomes, where do I go from here? What do you do when you've finally caught up to the person who you've spent your entire life running after? The most I can say is to become myself. To live and to learn, to grow, free of old weeds and dead branches, free to become who I want to be, who I should be. I can see myself with more clarity now than ever before, so I have an idea as to how I wish to continue; that story, however, is not meant for this page, or for any other. Rather, it is meant for me, and those around me.